Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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