Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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