Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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