Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
