The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And then he peed in my hair
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