i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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