Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize