i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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