I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
