If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
