Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
