...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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