you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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