I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
