I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
