i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
