he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
