I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
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Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
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We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize