??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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