looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
