I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
