well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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