dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.