I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
