You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
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It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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