I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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