you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
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Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.