DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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