I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
