just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
