Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
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You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
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You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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