I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
