i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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