THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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