I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
