Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
we made out on top of his cat.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
