I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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