Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
