He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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