the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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