This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
