I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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