your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
