Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
