Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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