I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
