Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
