I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
