I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
