That's when you crack a 10am beer
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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