Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
