Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
