First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
