foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
