I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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