tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its not stalking. its research.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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