Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
