I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
