Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
