thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
