I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
