I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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