OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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