i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
