So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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