It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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