our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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