I want to make a zoo with you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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