Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
