It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
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We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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