If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
