If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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