I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
