i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
