I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
