What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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