Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
