Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
