we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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