I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
